Letter to the editor

Letter to the editor ...
by Casey Ishitani (originally appeared in Ka Lamakua at kalamakua.org)

The following letter is a response to the multiple articles that ran in yesterday’s paper.



To whom it may concern:



I am writing this letter to express my greatest dismay toward your printed institution. I find this newspaper to be a heartless and crude example of your nation’s downfall. This retort is a warning that the proposed quest you are on is one fraught with but little glory and even less chivalry.

I have read many newspaper articles centered around American politics, even forgoing food and sleep so that I may retain their glory in one fell swoop. But, while stumbling across my niece’s mail while she prepared what she called “a necessary bonfire,” I found your editorial section. Of all the things I have read, I find it to be a most disturbing chink in your people’s armor.

Logic, which a great number of your writers use, is the enemy of glory. It is hard to be logical and lead a life as a derring-do cavalier at the same time, and we all know that Americans love to be cavalier. Being logical and sensible toward politics takes all of the adventure out of living as a citizen in your great nation.

As you plead for logical solutions to American problems such as poverty and poor health, you don’t realize how much you are killing the chivalric nature with which your leaders have molded America. What better way to show one’s love for a nation than dying for it valiantly-- without the aid of government-funded medicine or welfare?

Besides, gallant individuals like Americans don’t need medicine or social welfare to protect them. They have an elite squad of Templar knights, which the government calls Blackwater. These valiant warriors defend the peasants and women of this country with their swords and steeds (M-16s and H2s) and ward off the heathens of Persia. Were it not for police officers and Minutemen, I would plead with them to roam all of America, dispensing justice and spreading the word of Christ.

Another article I take exception to is one pertaining to the serfs of your land. Were it not for serfs, your country would not have been built. Egypt and Russia were built by serfs much in the same way. Yet, your editorial page finds it necessary to speak of their unfortunate caste situation as if they should be treated as something other than serfs. By blaming the growing number of street urchins on the so-called “destruction of the middle-class,” you are evading the issue that the serfs are being given a golden opportunity to become knights. Why, by invading Persia, it will soon be a glorious time in which all Americans can become knights – fighting honorably for God and country, receiving estates and being greeted as liberators.

Which leads me to mention the most horrendous example of your attack on chivalry: your complete and utter lack of commitment to your king, George W. Bush. Even your writers who usually fawn over his beliefs and doctrines seem to be evading their god-given duty to serve their leader with the utmost and unconditional loyalty. And yet, your king is bringing you back to the great days of the Crusades, when noble warriors clashed, the Hebrews had no say and courtly love was in bloom (between men and women, that is). By spreading the harmful message that your leader is fallible, you destroy his glory and force people to vote for a king that acts less like a king and more like an Athenian. For shame! Fie upon thee!

Your newspaper is an example of all that is wrong in modern journalism. While others regale their readers with tales of wonder and whimsy, you report things that inspire feelings of unrest and motivation. While others ask the masses to have faith, you force them to form opinions. You’ve made a plea for the death of the days of the Saxons.

Also, a science article of yours, written about what you call “wind turbines,” appalls me. How dare you advocate the birth of giants? I shall have no choice but to engage them in battle.



Sincerely,

Alonso Quixano
La Mancha, Spain